Let’s face it: our beds are the bewitching isles of refuge in a stormy sea, and we’re always being shipwrecked. So when BedsZone.co.uk announced its new range of dream machines, I got this feeling that the whole world of comfort would never be quite the same. It’s not just a basic plane surface whereon you hold your rest rituals; it’s actually one wild rave of technology and gadgetry that turns every sleeping experience into something akin to an escapist magic trick-definitely pizzazz-some and the sort of platform Harry Houdini could utilize to make a trick that ends in sleep.
Adjustable firmness: You took what you had, and you did not pitch a fit. If it was too hard, you tossed and turned. If it was too soft, the mattress swallowed you like a snake digesting an oversized meal. Nowadays, it would appear our beds have found their voices: “Soft where you sleep? Firm under your back? Coming right up!” Adjustments are at your fingertips via a smartphone app that incidentally will also run your toaster.
And then there is temperature control. Oh, the days of old, flipping the pillows like one does burgers at a barbecue. Upscale cooling and heating pads permit someone to regulate the climate of his or her little bed ecosystem. Just what a fellow needs on those nights when the feet have decided to turn into two blocks of ice.
Now, as if that wasn’t strange enough, the snore-detecting feature enters: the bed listens to your croaky nocturnal symphonies and delicately raises your head just that far enough to stop you from sounding like a chainsaw. It’s a miracle anyone who sleeps on the quiet side isn’t perpetually thankful. Have your bed play whale sounds while you are sawing logs-voilà, free entertainment for you and your snuggle buddy.